Calm Collected But Dangerous | The Squeeze | North Fork | Blue John | September 2017
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The Squeeze | North Fork | Blue John | September 2017

Day 1 | September 3 | The Squeeze (aka Segers Hole)

This year we added two LaFames to the crew: the unstoppable Emma, and Juan Diego, who managed to complete all three days with barely a scrape to prove he was there. Brad was back minus pregnant Emily, who for some reason didn’t feel like joining us. Brent, Andy and Cristina made it for the second trip of the year (and we’re old! yay, us!) and conquered the hell out of this canyon that nearly drowned a hypothermic Andy in 2013.

We were up by 4:30 for the earliest start ever but it made for a pleasant (certainly not easy) hike in via the Little Muddy and straight up the canyon face before dropping in at about 10:00. We knew we had a long list of potholes to get through so we made quick work of it and managed to hand-line a fair number of the rappels. Having Emma was a huge help as she was able to set up anchors (why the rest of us haven’t figured it out in 12 years is a great question) to keep us moving rather than having to wait for the group of six to get through each problem. Emma took a full dunk in some gross water (meaning the rest of us knew not to go under. Thanks, Emma) and we spent a lot of the day in and out of pools and keepers.

The technical section was a lot of fun without any major setbacks, and then we got to Redemsh’n Pothole–where Andy almost died and Brent and I would’ve had to eat him to survive until search and rescue found us the next day. With a couple of homemade pot-shots and a whole lotta hustle, Andy totally redeemed himself and had us wondering how on earth we made it so difficult the first time. Take that, Segers.

Emma tried to kill and then save a tiny, helpless snake in one of the potholes and Brad carried it to safety. It was the second sleepy snake of the day but the first one was a rattler so we left it the eff alone.

The rest of the canyon was easy enough, especially since we knew “the end” wasn’t actually the end and the technical section just kept going and going until our final rappel and exit to The Muddy. The water was really low, which made crossings easy. Emma took a mud bath on purpose, Juan Diego took one on accident, and we were just in time to do the entire two-hour hike without the sun beating down on us and still make it to the car with a bit of dusk to spare.

Jan and Jorge had dinner waiting since Andy was able to send them a message with the handy Garmin GPS thingys, which makes Happy Jan even happier.

Total time ~13.5 hours; Total distance ~10 miles (Cristina’s phone said 14 miles and she’s sticking to it)

 

Approach down the Muddy before the ascent to The Squeeze

 

Petroglyphs on the ascent hike of the Squeeze

 

View down the Muddy

 

Little rattle friend Emma nearly stepped on

 

Pothole bypass in The Squeeze

 

Sewage swimmer bypass

 

Two-stage rappel in The Squeeze

 

Preparing for pothole redemption in The Squeeze

 

Trying to unhook a hook anchor in The Squeeze

 

Teamwork

 

Big rappel in the Squeeze

 

Mining remnants

 

Choke log obstacle

 

Crack slot by-pass

 

The Squeeze exit up the Muddy

 

Emma playing in mud

 

Muddy spa treatment in the Muddy

 

Day 2 | September 4 | North Fork of Robber’s Roost

We decided to do the “easy” canyon day two so we wouldn’t have to wake up so early, which meant we didn’t start the hike in until nearly 11:00. We left Brent’s car closer to the exit and cut about 1.5 miles by parking Andy’s car closer to the entrance. It was a flat, hot hike through the wash to the first rappel. There was a lot more spanning and chimneying on this one compared to The Squeeze but we were able to partner assist and down climb most of the rappels (we think).

We stopped for a speed climbing break toward the end at a cliff that had lots of great nooks for hand and foot holds. Andy beat Emma by 15 seconds, but only because Emma is a miniature person with T-Rex arms. Brad took his sweet time getting to the top, but he made it all the way to the top. Emily, you would’ve been so proud.

Turned out the hardest part was yet to come as the exit was a fairly vertical scramble/up-chimney that lead to a cloudless sky and a crazy hot afternoon hike–uphill, in sand–back to the car. I kept thinking about how easy it would be to just sit down and die but managed to make it to the cars behind Brent and Emma who beat us to turn on the AC. I think it’s safe to say it was the worst and hottest out hike of all time, but I’ve probably said that before.

We were back at camp by 5:00 which gave us all time to shower in the fancy new shower tent, enjoy another fantastic camp dinner and get to bed pretty early. And then Emma woke up in the middle of the night with fiery fingers because the jalapeños she’d help Andy chop had seeped into her skin. Ouch.

Total time ~6 hours; Total distance ~5.5 miles; Approximate temp 127°

 

North Fork Start

 

 

North Fork views

 

North Fork descent

 

Setting a North Fork rappel

 

North Fork

 

North Fork rappel

 

North Fork lunch break

 

North Fork rappel

 

Climbing break

 

Heat stroke

 

North Fork exit death march

Day 3 | September 5 | Down East Fork & Up Main Fork of Blue John

At the suggestion of Climb Utah, we decided to go down East Fork and up Main Fork and then we were all mad at Climb Utah for suggesting it. No one was angrier than Emma. Not that the East Fork wasn’t beautiful and a fun canyon to navigate, but it wasn’t nearly beautiful or fun enough to make up for the interminable shadeless hike between the exit of that canyon through the wash to the beginning of the next one.

It felt endless but we were finally rewarded with the deepest slots yet and incredible red rock chambers followed by a long but shaded hike through the narrows. Going up was a new challenge that required every bit of strength I had left (speaking only for myself because the children made it look easy). A lot of skin was left behind as we wedged ourselves between the walls for 200 meters of off-width climbing/chimneying. Once up and out, the hike back was all wash which should have made it an easy walk back to the car, but Emma overshot the final bit and wound up passing the cars with Brad wandering behind her. They blamed each other, bickered over walkie-talkies and then made up with fruit snacks. It was cute.

Total time ~8 hours; Total distance ~10 miles

Climbing UP Bluejohn

 

Chimney break up Bluejohn

 

Bluejohn slot

 

Climbing up Bluejohn

 

Sexy vibes in Bluejohn

 

Camp vibes

New this year:

Brent winning best injury after losing most of his forearm skin in a tragic ladder accident day 1

Brad not winning best injury (but coming in a solid second, chafing included)

Someone RUNNING in 100°+ heat on the out hike (Emma, you’re crazy)

The entire group making it all three days without a break

Going UP a canyon (!!!)

Finishing a canyon under the suggested time on Climb Utah (instead of the usual 2 – 5 hours over)

Brad’s wax skin diagnosis

Nail in Brent’s tire on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere

J & J not getting a flat tire on the trailer

Maybe not new for all time, but it’s been awhile since we’ve done three canyons without seeing another living soul or even a car parked at any of the trail heads. Being the only ones out there is part of what makes this so magical, but it was also so damn hot it probably kept Utah-based canyoneers away.

 

Great trip overall and we were happy to have the newbies join us–you two killed it! Next year we’re shooting for Zion and thinking we’ll wait until late September to avoid heatstroke and the crowds.

 

 

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