Zero Gravity | Baptist Draw | September 2019

Day 1 | October 4 | Zero Gravity

A fairly impromptu trip (compared to our usual months and months of planning) following our very disappointing Poe trip less than six weeks ago meant our camp hosts and several LaFames weren’t able to join us, so we replaced them with newbies, Jordan and Alicia. These two got engaged in Moab a few months ago and jumped at the chance to explore more of the Utah desert, for better or worse.

Andy, Jordan & Alicia met at Brent and Cristina’s bright and early Friday and we were on the road by 6:30. An uneventful drive (aside from having to take the walkie talkie away from Brent for a bad mothball joke) had us on the trail by 1pm, thanks to Andy who can somehow tell one dirt road from the next and knows which ones to take even without a map, no matter how many years it’s been since he was last out here. The weather was perfect once the wind died down a bit and was a good reminder never ever to do this over Labor Day weekend never ever again.

Zero Gravity has seen the most descents from our group, this trip marking at least the fourth time Andy’s done it and though the three of us would consider this one “easy” given its potential to be only downclimbed and the amount of time it takes to complete it, it’s still a fun challenge.

Once dropping in it isn’t far to the first section of narrows to chimney–the first of firsts for the first timers and both nailed it. It wasn’t until we got to the first water section that Alicia wondered what she’d agreed to (thanks to Jordan who withheld that information until the drive there), but to the canyon’s credit, it was some of the cleanest water we’ve seen and not as cold as a deep canyon would have been. Brent took the lead and confirmed it was a full swimmer. Thanks, Brent.

We all cozied up in the only keeper, which was bone dry this time, while Andy set up our first rappel from the top. Alicia asked if Andy knew she hadn’t rappelled yet and I assured her that in the middle of a canyon when you HAVE to to rappel is the best possible way to learn. Once Jordan helped her up the wall we couldn’t see what was going on, but Alicia didn’t lose a limb and Andy didn’t lose his patience so I’d say it was a successful enough first. The next water obstacle required some spanning which Alicia was not excited about, but we all made it across where I spotted the last pool beyond the last obstacle by about 3:45.

For fear of getting Jordan wedged into the slot that completely narrows at the bottom, Andy opted for the climb up to the choke stone and found an anchor someone had bolted since our last visit. He helped Jordan tie in and then Jordan managed to get himself good and stuck. It’s always a group effort (mostly just shouting from those who can’t physically help) when one canyoneer finds himself in a bind, but for this one I really wish we’d gotten a photo as Jordan was completely lodged from the waist up while his legs dangled in midair for what I’m sure felt like way too long to be stuck like that. Because Andy can climb anything and Jordan was strong enough to pull himself loose with Andy’s help, he finally made it out of the tight spot just in time for Alicia to do exactly what Andy was worried she might. Following my lead under the choke stone but not treading lightly enough, she got one foot as stuck as a foot can get. To make matters worse, she’d already started leaning forward and down into her next step, which made getting back up high enough to dislodge it quite the problem. Andy to the rescue again with some support from above and a collective “you can do this!” from the group, Alicia mustered every last bit of strength and the foot was freed.

This spot is exactly where Brad lost a whole lot of skin on an arm and a leg, so maybe “easy” isn’t the most accurate way to describe this little canyon. Brent took the high rappel having learned what not to do and lost a lot less skin. Andy pretty much took the high and the low on repeat to get us all through.

With a straightforward rappel down the last slide, we all swam across the final pool to the big tree and some welcome sun to dry us off. At exactly 5:00 we were back to the cars to celebrate over four beers and one white claw.

Total time 4 hours; Total distance ~3 miles

From the trailhead we took a detour to check out a potential campsite in some cottonwoods nearby and decided against it this time but would gladly make it home base for any future adventures in the Swell. We opted instead for the red sands near Goblin Valley and though our favorite spot was taken, we still found a nice section of wash in which to campfire and hang out. Alicia not only fed us a fantastic green chile chicken dinner, she had charcuterie and apps ready while we set up tents and decompressed.

It deserves to be mentioned that Brent hardly made an appearance in this write up because he did everything exactly how it should have been done, including wearing deodorant that isn’t PH balanced for teenage girls all the while being very helpful and supportive.

Andy, you’re a badass. Thank you for always being the best guide and mountain goat.

Jordan and Alicia, not sure the canyons won you over but I did appreciate having Alicia there who kept saying “no! I can’t!” which is usually my job, plus you’re a good cook and that goes a long way at camp.

If we ever get the chance to do Zero Gravity again we think we can finish in under three hours and without ropes, depending on the water level. If Andy and Emma did it alone, they could probably finish in under two hours and without any hands. Brad, I feel like you need a shot to redeem yourself in this one. James, remember that time your knot failed and I fell? Me too 😉

Day 2 | October 5 | Baptist Draw

Jordan and Alicia decided to spend the day not getting beat up by a canyon and opted instead for a day exploring the desert and an 8-mile hike through Little Wild Horse. The rest of us drove the hour to the trailhead (again without maps because Andy is a wizard) and hit the trail by 10:00 for an hour hike before dropping into the canyon.

Andy downloaded beta on about ten possible canyons but we wound up in the very first one he thought we might do though Brent and I weren’t so sure we wanted to do it because we didn’t remember much about it other than the baby rattlesnake infestation one year, the guy who was allergic to the sun and didn’t have a harness, and the steep climb back to the car. We might also have confused our memories of Baptist with the misery that was Upper and Lower Chute in one day, and no one wants to ever do that again.

But it didn’t take long to be reminded of why anyone does this canyon. The slots are beautiful and while none of the obstacles held us up long, they’re a whole lot of fun and the narrows are just narrow enough to make you work to get through them. We had to take off our packs several times just to squeeze past but partner assists were enough to get us through all but the 70-foot rappel.

It wasn’t long before we caught up with a group of three guys who were setting up rappels where we were able to downclimb (one ladder assist for me off Andy) so they let us pass them at the big rap. Someone bolted it since the last time we were in there eight or nine years ago, which means no longer having to navigate a tricky start off a boulder. Andy tried out a new knot while Brent and I talked to the other guys, one of whom was a first-time canyoneer. It had taken him 30 years to get over the trauma of breaking his scout leader’s ankle during a freak forest fire/belay accident, but he seemed to be enjoying himself this time around. Lots of Redemsh’n canyon stories out there (Eardly and Alcatraz are still on my list).

I descended into the Chute Canyon junction first and met another group of four who all looked to be 50+. Very encouraging for these old bones. Since we had company we decided to keep going and were happy to find Chute completely dry. The scrambling was a lot of fun and the guys made it look easy while I needed some help through several spots. We still made quick work of it and reached the end before sitting down for lunch. The exit was easy to spot and not at all difficult to navigate and while Brent was sure he could get us back to the car, we let Andy lead the way and took the high trail back which offered incredible views of the canyon and the mountains in the distance. We walked past a nice section of power crystals and geodes; Andy thought the ones Brent found “would look nice with my stuff” and stole one.

We didn’t see any rattlesnakes this time and either we missed the trail the last few times or the trail is proof of the canyon’s increasing popularity, but the steep climb is longer an issue and we enjoyed a gradual incline along the well-tread path back to the car for celebration beers (after a few minutes of trying to find the rock the key was hidden under…that would make for an interesting alternate ending).

Total time ~5 hours (for the FIRST TIME EVER we were under Climb-Utah’s 6 – 8 hour estimate, but that’s probably only because when Shane does it he takes a group of 36 boy scouts) Total distance ~6 miles

We were all happy to have conquered this one again, though perfect weather and conditions make any canyon better.

We found Jordan and Alicia back at camp where we had to distract Brent for a few hours before the caviar rendered him useless. Chili mac (with a cheese barrier) was a hit as were the cinnamon toast crunch treats Darwin didn’t eat Friday morning. The boys polished off the bottle of Jack, but Andy used up his hyena fact before the sun even went down, which was followed by Jordan’s Vlad Guerrero story. Brent had several very long, very confusing conversations with himself as different characters and wore us all out except for Alicia who insisted on one last log before the sleepies finally won and we called it a night.

We parted ways at 10am after some tasty breakfast burritos and made it back to Colorado for the usual I70 traffic delays but were all home by 8pm. We’ve got our sights set on another canyon adventure the same time next year. Pretty sure we’ve actually learned our lesson in extreme heat by now. Hopefully more of the LaFames will join us.