Poe | First Attempt | August 2019

The following is a trip report of our collective memories. Most (all) of the snark is Emma:

SATURDAY, AUGUST 31st

6:30am – Loaded the roof bag on Brad’s car and were on the road from Brent and Cristina’s.  SOLID start. Riveting conversation filled with hope, excitement, and Emma’s three-figure salary in Kansas City.

2:15pm – Parked the car and got our things together, hit the trail at 3:00pm after Brad checked eight times that his car was locked. It was 102 degrees and everyone was carrying 30-60 lbs. GREAT conditions to start a hike through the desert. No longer impressed by what good time we made on the drive.

6:00 – Took a 25-minute break before the ridge (of death) to deal with Andy’s mild heat exhaustion. Andy seriously reconsidering life’s decisions.

8:00 – Sun sets on the last stretch of scrambling down the rock slide. Headlamps serve as bug magnets. Cristina sustains shin injuries from a fall into very jagged rock. Brent keeps asking if she’s ok because he can see her leg is not but we must march on and so we do. Spirits not so high. 

9:30 – Found camp after bushwhacking through three times as much as we were supposed to bushwhack through but we didn’t know that because it was dark and thought we might plummet to our deaths if we didn’t stay low. Brent filtered the entire stream and was concerned we didn’t have enough food despite having hauled out cornucopias of food.

11:00pm – Made the call not to do Poe (tale of woe). Slept in a cluster of tents and one coffin (Andy’s). 

By all other accounts it was an “easy” 5.5 mile hike, but Cristina’s phone says 8.5 and her toe says it was 30.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 1st

7:00am – Woke up at Sad Camp (even though Emma’s alarm went off at 6:00) and hoped Jan would find us a magic shuttle boat but so as not to worry her too much, Andy’s first message ended with LOL and so she was not worried enough. Andy: “I wanna go home.” 

2:00pm – Gave up hope, decided to start the hike out. Spent the next few hours hiding from the sun. Everyone napped except Emma who made mud castles on her knees, Brad woke himself up from “missing a step in his dream.” Cristina and Andy bandaged feet as best they could and we all promised not to ever set foot in Utah over Labor Day weekend ever again.

4:45 – Started the hike out and made it about 15 minutes before Cristina’s body turned against her and the group had to stop at every boulder that offered even a little shade though Emma for whatever reason doesn’t need shade, or water, or to see where her feet are when she’s hiking on precarious cliffsides. Got to the last shade boulder just in time for the heat exhaustion to really kick in. Brent wonders how much longer the group waits before just leaving Cristina to the desert. Emma is entertained by a cool lizard on a hot rock. Brad’s a trooper and complains about nothing. Apple sauce helps.

7:30ish – Made it to ridge, Andy silently wept, hiked another 1.5 miles and set up camp. Emma’s hard boiled eggs are stinky and grapes are hot (and indistinguishable from Cristina’s toe). Andy and Brad share a bro dinner. In bed by 9:30ish under a very starry sky. Hot A.F.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 2nd

5:00am alarm, several poop delays, on the trail in the dark by 6:00. Andy’s GPS said remaining hike was 2.5miles, Emma’s said under 2 miles. Cristina and Brent found Brad’s shirt. Emma lied about the final waypoint for one last offense on a grueling hike. It’s really beautiful out and we all wonder what the hike would have been like in these not-hot-as-the-sun conditions.

8:00ish – Made it to the car! Defeated, exhausted, bruised, and 100% sure we’ll NEVER EVER under any conditions attempt Poe again. 

8:15ish – Start planning our second attempt. We need a boat.

10:00amish – Breakfast at Duke’s in Hanksville for what felt like two hours (but the waitress’s uncle was THE DUKE, so…)

6:30pm – Made it to Denver after listening to podcasts about death and death cap mushrooms and Brad’s rant about merging etiquette, Andy and Brad were at their respective homes at 7:30. Brent and Cristina feed Emma pizza and sleep through her very early departure the next day but hope she had a comfortable stay on the couch.

Andy: Six or seven foot blisters + some lost hip skin. Lost pride. Will find in 2020.

Cristina: Two golfball sized bumps turned to full shin bruise. Bruise eventually pools in foot (did not know this was possible). Will lose toe. Needs adult diapers. Can’t think of a better group to nearly die in the desert with and is grateful for everyone’s physical and emotional support. 

Brent: Chicken pox back. Otherwise healthy.

Brad: Defeated, dehydrated, but healthy.

Emma: Thinks we’re all a bunch of pansies.